I Honestly Can't Tell You

I have no clue how I feel at the moment.
Honestly. I thought I was happy,
But when I stopped to think about it i realized
That I don't think I am happy.

I'm not unhappy.
But ther is so much going on in my head.
I'm so ready to move!
I'm SO NOT READY to move!!
I SOO want to move!
I SO don't want to move!
Gah.

EXAMS!!
I am not ready..
I can do this!

I want to just pick an emotion..
I wish it worked like that.

I wish life was easy.
no es facil.
es muy dificil y asco.

And for some reason,
i suddenly feel really happy...

Goodnight:)

It's CHRISTMAS time

CHRISTMAS.
I looovee CHRISTMAS
I know it isn't officially CHRISTMAS time...
but it is the holidays.

I like coldd.
And for Alabama...
It will do...
But I would appretiate it colder.

I like the feeling of family.
Of everyone being together and happy.
With nothing,
besides the smiles and laughter of the person next to you,
having meaning.

I like pie.
(yess saraa..)
And there is always pie.

I like warm colors.
Browns and reds and oranges..
all reflected in the glow of the fire

I like tradition.
Things that remind me of the past.
Of better days.
Of happy memories.
Of Holidays past.

I love the holidays.

So last night.

I had a dream.

no i am not about to recite MLKJ.
nice try though.

but i always have REALLY strange dreams...
and last night, it was pretty bad.

I had a dream
My Dad was alive.
Actually it was more like a flashback.
Because i was narrating my life.
But the one thing i remember most,
was how excited I was that my Daddy was there.

The whole time i felt like a child.
or maybe i was looking back on myself as a child..
But it was me and him.
And i went though different things that i had ever done with him
some were a little embellished
but they derived from actual things that happened so long ago.

And it was as if i had started at the beginning
and made my way up
all the way up
to the day
when he went up
without me.

Okay for real this time

      First thing you should know about me is that i love to rant.
Ranting helps me blow off steam and keeps my mood a bit more stable (I am completely bipolar) and it expresses the argumentative(is that a word?) side of me.
     Second is that I love talking(or writing in this instance)
Then these in no particular order:

• Friends have always been one of the most important things in my life... it just so happens that all my friends suck right now. (no offense) actually, go ahead and take offense to that.
• I am a really loyal person, so when people aren't loyal it really pisses me off
• I LOVE TO READ so if you ever find that you have no clue what i am talking about, i am probably talking about a book...
• I really REALLY care about school. Not like i enjoy it, but it is extremely important to me what grades I make. EXTREMELY.
• I like to blame other people. not like i actually want others to believe that they did something i was actually responsible for, but i like to make myself believe in my head that things aren't ever really my fault.
• when i am mad i will say things that i don't actually mean... and i will probably take them back.
• I am not interested in dating. i am in ninth grade. that is stupid.
• I don't do drugs
• I love to sing and i miss show choir:(((
• I LOVE SPANISH. why? because its divertido:)
• God is my BFFL
• Carlos David Alverenga Salgado is my BFFL#2

Thats pretty much it...