Greater, Stronger, Higher than any Other

Spent the weekend in Hoover
with my best best friends.
Seriously, It isn't probable that I would ever
have better friends than these guys.

I don't even have any more tears to cry
over how much i want my old life back.
And I'm so glad that I know without a doubt
that God's plan is greater than the one
I would choose for myself

So now I will put on a smiling face
and go to church acting as if
I'm not broken on the inside
and go to school acting as if
I like the stuck up private school kids
and I don't want to rip their faces off
...sometimes...

I will do all of this
because God's plan is the ultimate vision
and it's what I strive to maintain
because he loves me
and like a parent,
he can see what is best for me,
even when I'm blind to the truth.

Boat of love? I'm such a dork.

I'm going to be absolutely sick.

Today was the Casey Anthony verdict.

After three years of this battle she was found not guilty.

I have not heard one person say they agreed.

What I have heard are judgments on her, on her person, on her lifestyle. From "Christian" people

It makes me sick.

Not ONE of them knows the full story. Because no one knows.

But they sit on their high horse and call her a murdering slut.

What kind of person is that?

Ive seen tweets like this one:

"Dear Casey Anthony, the judge may not know the complete story, but God does. :) So, don't think you've gotten away jusstt yet"

They speak like they know what God thinks of her.

They speak like they know what goes on in that woman's mind.

What they don't speak is love.

But God loves Casey . Unconditionally. As much as he loves each one of us.

So you might say, I love her but what she did was wrong.

First, don't lie, because you could never speak so hatefully of one you care even the slightest bit for.

Second, we are all sinners. But God tells us that hating is like murdering.

So if you really believe Casey murdered her child and hate her for it, then think twice before you call God's wrath on her, because you may find yourself blindly in the same boat as she.

But that's just it.

We are ALL in one big boat.

One big sinner's boat

Casey Anthony may be standing right next to you on the boat.

We're sailing in an ocean of God's love though,

Surrounded by his grace.

So what kind of Christian are you?

If I didn't know God and his love,

Then I wouldn't want to be any part of this thing you call "Christianity"

I wouldn’t want to be a part of that judging, hating, vile group of people.

Is that what you want outsiders to think?

We are on the earth to spread God's love.

You should be ashamed.

Hate me for speaking the truth.

God said the world will despise me.

But it doesn’t matter.

I would rather be hated by every person of this world

Than be associated as a part of them.

Okay, so now that I have the DRAMATIC emotions out of the wayy..

Of course I don’t mean everybody..

But you know if I mean you.

Anyway.. It really doesn't make sense when you think about it.

You are speaking as if you don't trust god.

Don't you know how big he is?

Bigger than anything in this world.

God is in control of this situation

And he knows SO MUCH MORE THAN US.

He knows Casey's heart and mind.

So why do you feel like your opinion is necessary?

It means nothing.

Nothing.

You are just disgracing god's name.

So how about a little trust?

And maybe some decency?

BUTTTTTTT!!

I'm at the beach with my best frienddd Olivia BUTner.
that's where the but comes in.
It's our last night and we are both super upset about it.
honestly, i just don't want to go home.
at home, you have to TALK to people.

Don't get me wrong,
i like my friends and everything...
but i'm just so tired of PEOPLE.
that's why i like the beach.
and i really donnnntttttt want to go home.

then when we GET home,
everyone will be leaving.
utah is in a few days...
and mady is going to haiti...
so i guess it will just be me and olivia:)

WE ARE GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT PREMIER OF HARRY POTTER!
i'm super pumped.

so anyways...
the beach was fun.
butttt....
alex got soosooooooooo annoying.
seriously. i forgot what it was like to live in the same state as herr..
they left this morning,
and i can't say i'm sad...
we can only handle a small amount of each other.
especially when olivia's around.
her olivia, not mine.

i haven't blogged in FOREVERRRR
so much is going on.
SO MUCH.
i'll tell all about it laterr.
olivia wants to go to sleeeppp!

Thank you 'Lort'

I should be in bed.
but i must write this.

Today was awesome.
it didn't have to be.
and you didn't have to out forth effort to make it be.
but you did.
you, whom i have known all of four months..
and no one has ever showed me they cared
like you did today.

i really do love you like a sister,
so technically we didn't lie to the nurses:)
yes, you worry the buhgeezums out of me sometimes
but for me that is obviously inevitable.
the more time i spend with you,
the more i learn about myself.

God blessed me with a friend like you,
a friend that actually wants to know about me.
a friend that cares why i am upset
a friend that goes two ways, not just the one.

And i thank my God everytime i think of you.
I love you Kaci Allen!

Beautiful and Mighty, Everlasting King

Praise Jesus.
what more can i say?

"Rejoice in the Lord always! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everyhing, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all undertasnding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:4-7

That is the verse that goes with me tonight i believe.
it starts with REJOICE.
and i will rejoice forevermore,
i have so much to be thankful for.
My life here is beautiful.
It can be stressful
and busy
and a lot bit crazy.

I would never ask for anything else.
The lord knew the plans he had for me,
and he laid out the blueprints magnificently.

Today was not the greatest of days,
but i can't help but praise God for my life.
For my friends.
my ecouraging, halarious, inspirational, quirky, brilliant, caring,
awesome friends.

Praise God for Tusculum.
And for answered prayers.
Have you ever had that feeling?
when you KNOW a prayer is being answered?
and it is so obvious that God is here.
right here.

that's what i've got tonight.
answered prayers
and awesome friends.

a wise man (Robert) once said:
"the hardest thing about church is that you are surrounded by broken people.
but the greatest thing about church is that you're surrounded by broken people"

i'm not sure why that goes there...
its what came to mind.

God is Good.

Nya Nya NYAAANNN nanyanya

replyy post:
SARAAAA

oohhhh the times we have:)
you haz REWINED zee pizza!

but seriously.
the beach will bee
OFF THE HOOK.

who even says that?

well anywayss,
i love the friendship we have,
the onle that is static, never changing,
but dynamic at the same time.
i have more faith in our friendship than almost anything.

you have always been a part of my life that was just understood,
no need to speak the words,
because you were always there.
like trusting there will be oxygen for every breath.

haha i know you ae loving my poetic vibe.

but really,
there have obviously been some changes.
you and i both know that.
and i believe that if it were anyone else,
my opinion of you would have changed as well.
but i honestly belive,
nothing could change who you are to me.
i will always accept you, always trust your judgement.
always cheer you on, always hold your hand through the storm.

no matter what.

i misssssssssses you tooo!
next time dont ditch me for your BFFF MALLORY.
or your "boi"
kaythanksbyee:)

much better

 i got all my angries out.

now a days i feel like i can do anything.
i haven't had the easiest of lifes,
i know what hard is.
but everything is so clear now.
the more i trust God
the more unstoppable i feel

the funny thing about God is,
i can remember when it felt like i had so much on my plate
that it just kept piling up
and i could never get through it all
that there wasn't enough breath in me to pray about it all
and now that God's presence is so prominent in my life
not only does my plate feel so light,
but he keeps adding more and more,
and and i don't ever feel it getting heavier.
God will only give you what you can handle.
now i understand
he will give you as much as you can handle, always pushing the limits,
so that i continue to grow.
because everytime he adds something,
he is adding something more to our relationship.

as i progress in this new role as God's servant
i can really see how the events in my life have lead me to this.
not only the events, but the people.
it makes me thankful for every new day..
and every new face.

That's life

I seriously am only writing this because no one reads this blog.
so if you happen to be reading it and don't feel like being offended,
stop reading.
i know you won't.

I am in Alabama.
for MY WHOLE spring break.
which a month ago, would have been my ideal week.
a month ago.
not now.

truth is..
I HATE IT HERE.
i was SOOO close to staying with a friend in Nashville.
the only reason i came back was because i haven't seen my sister
in like three weeks.
otherwise... i would not be here.

honestly,
i can't stand my old friends.
or a lot of them.
some of them (like the only one reading this) are okay,
because they understand why i wouldn't want to be here
that i have a life
and i didn't want this anymore than they did,
but that's life.
sucks.

the thing is,
for all my friends, they have the same life as they did before i moved,
the only difference, is that i'm not there.
so it's notice-able that i'm missing
for me, i started a whole new life
that they don't fit into..
so it's harder for me to miss them.

i'm not saying i don't miss any of them..
because i honestly do!
i reallyreallyreallyreally still love them.
it just gets annoying when they keep bugging me about when i'm coming.
excuse me.
i didn't realize my purpose in life was to make you happy.

i feel bad about saying this stuff...
it really doesn't sound like me.

i have friends though.
in brentwood..
that i could be hanging out with.
because we all know
that it is much healthier
for me to let go of my life here.
as much as that sucks.
that's life.

and the worst part about it is that
I'm missing bible study.
which is the absolute highlight(s) of my week!
it keeps me SANE.
and stops me from writing ugly blog posts
like right now.

iwannagohome.
but,
that's life.

And then there's nights like this..

I know how I act about it all.
like its so easy.
like i'm having the time of my life
like everything is better than ever
and sometimes it is.

God is more prominent in my life than ever
and i can feel him working
so i try to remember that i 'm not alone
and its not my burden to bear.
it works a lot of the time

then there are nights like tonight.
when i just want to give up.
to go back to the easier lifestyle
the one where i had so many friends.
and when i walked down the halls
it was filled with familliar faces
and people cared about me.

they apreciated me.
they knew who i was
and where i came from
what i liked to do
and what my favorite book was

they knew the things that drove me insane
like stickers
and weird textures
and gum
especially the fruity kind

its so exhausting.
trying so hard
outting every ounce into friendships
and feeling like i'm getting no where.

then hatty comes along.
makes friends immediately.
has plans her first weekend.
and her second.
and her third.
and rubs it in my face.
haha. no one likes you.

now that i have it written down, i am done.
i'm lifting this all up to God.
because you will fight my battles for me.
as long as i trust in you.

thank you.

Starting Fresh

Okay so obviously I just erased most all of my blog posts..
because when I read through them.. i was so embarrassed.
and from now on, i am going to lead my life with honesty
and i will not be ashamed.
which means a new lifestyle.
because recently,
i have shed a whole new light on my situation.
and this is how i came to that:

new city, new life, new church.
my favorite is the new church.
i spent eight years at homewood and i never felt as welcome as i felt the first day at Tusculum.
and then there was bible study.
which changed everything.
because until now, i never have had someone to tell my story to.
because everyone already "knows" in Alabama.
but telling it full out to someone,
made me realize how substantially blessed i am.
things that i have known inside
but haven't had the chance to think about them in a while.
and that is why i moved here.
God new i had such potential here in this new place.
and now i can grow to be the me god made me to be.
and that me
is ashamed of my blog post from earlier in this year.
i can see how much i lost focus on what mattered
on God.
and now i'm Claritin clear!
praise God.